Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
