I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
