i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
