so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
