happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
