She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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