wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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