I'm so fucking centered right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
