Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love having hate sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
