i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
