I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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