It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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