Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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