Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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