i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
