Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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