i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
