I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hope mine doesn't look like that
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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