New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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