My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
