someone get that fucking seahorse.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
