mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
