A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
