I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
