I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She announced her abortion via fbk
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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