My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's never too late to be topless.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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