I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
