It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
someone owes me an orgasm
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
