I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
