I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
