Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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