He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
