I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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