You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
