Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
