is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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