I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
