I have demons in me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
