Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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