I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
one might say we're banned from that church
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
