Will you blow on my dice?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
