btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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