I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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