Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
