im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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