He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We need to get me chipped asap
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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