The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
