If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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