Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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