love makes seman taste better
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
