apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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