oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
