nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
only if we run a train.
done.
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he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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