That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
