Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
