Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
