I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
