Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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