Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
