Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
