you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
