apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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