we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
